Conclusion

The team continues to duke it out with Windsor.  Fitzgerald flashes his girthy penis, shocking Windsor and lowering his willpower.  Nyridius goes in for a melee attack, but then “treebows,” losing all aggro.   Dr Drizzle, Hand Banana, and Little Rock throw all their ranged attacks at Windsor, slowly beating him down.  In turn, each hero dips out of battle to nurse wounds and grab a second wind.  Finally, Dr Drizzle utilizes her acid-based bubble pipe to land a killing blow against Windsor.

Windsor, once a solid column of flame, begins to sputter and pop.  Tongues of flame erratically flare out across the room.  A series of small explosions erupt inside Windsor, and he begins to lose his shape.  As the Windsor’s form collapses, his ethereal voice whispers “fuck….  youuuuu!”  The flame sputters, crackles, and burns out.

Gathered together, the adventurers enjoy a sense of completion.  Their quest is over, and the enemy defeated.  After a brief discussion, they determine that a long vacation is in order.  They exchange pleasantries and congratulations, and part ways.

Out of Time, Part 3

Youric, Phil, and Bofa are each transformed into giant, hulking versions of their former selves.  Youric becomes 40 feet tall, while the Deez Nutz brothers experience rapid muscle growth.  The party decides that, for this upcoming final battle, Youric should take point and the bears should cover the rear.  Several crude jokes about “Deez Nutz” and “in the rear” ensue.

As the party enters the final chamber, they find Windsor lurking.  Even confronted in his private chamber, he is confident.  “Why do you think I created the flux capacitor?” he taunts.  “So that I could summon my god, my hero, my idol.  The original Nyridius.  My first attempts were unsuccessful, so I created clones of him and his fellow travelers.  They are now my elite guard.”  The team is confronted by none other than the adventurers from Season One, including Professor Cuddlepunch, Khali, Vagabot, Defendomax, Duke, and the original Nyridius.  Our team meets their equal:  another group of ridiculously overpowered travelers!

Youric rushes forward to engage Windsor.  Each has become immeasurably powerful, and their savage blows shake the walls and echo across the chamber.  Bofa and Phil use the bottleneck of the rear entrances to block a rush horde of flame cultists.  By doing so, the bears keep the party free to focus on the Season One clones.

The Season One clones utilize the strongest attacks in their repertoire, including Duke’s acid spit, Vagabot’s swarm attack, Khali’s Kaiser blade, and Cuddlepunch’s dumbbell.  The team takes some hits, but quickly decide to focus down each enemy rather than conquer and divide.  In this, the final battle, the team feels free to utilize all the omega tech they’ve been storing.  Defendomax and Cuddlepunch quickly fall in battle.  Little Rock uses his newest ability, Echo Slam, to deal massive area of effect damage to a group of enemies.  Fitzgerald and Tao Ren make short work of the others.

In the background, Youric appears to be losing the battle.  Windsor’s powerful attacks leave him crippled and fading fast.  After casting a glance at his son, Fitzgerald, Youric attacks Windsor with a kamikaze strike, ending his own life but debilitating Windsor. 

The party takes the opportunity to engage Windsor.  Although Windsor has the ability to deal massive area damage, the team throws everything they’ve got at him.  Literally.  They empty their pockets of all junk they’ve collected throughout their travels, fashioning it into whatever projectile or cudgel they can manage.  Hand Banana, Tao Ren, and Drizzle are nearly leveled by Windsor’s crippling blows.  Nyridius, too, is nearly torn apart by Windsor’s inferno fist.  But the team struggles on in a prolonged slugfest.  Round after round, the party chips away at Windsor, evading and surviving his vicious attacks.

Out of Time, Part 2

Deeper and deeper into the bowels of the ziggurat the party travels.  They sense the end draws near.  They come upon the flux capacitor; it is a massive machine cranked by three chain golems, all inside a large, hot generator room.  The golems mindlessly crank away, powering the flux capacitor.  On the catwalk above, several ember demons stand watch and guard the golems.  This is where the party enters.

The party moves forward to engage the demons.  As they shift their weight, the catwalk sways back and forth.  It is a wide catwalk, but it is precariously suspended on the corners by four chains. 

Windsor senses their arrival and utilizes the power of the flux capacitor to summon enemies from the past to supplement his army.  Out of the timestream, Windsor plucks the mutated rat from the execution site, the flying head from the Big Ass Tree, two burning skeletons, and a soft-spoken creepy pit fiend.  These enemies populate the lower level.

The party immediately decides to split their time between the demons and the support chains.  Fitzgerald and Drizzle direct their attacks at them, but the chains are heavy and resistant to physical attacks.  Hand Banana has a better idea; he snatches up a volatile bomb of residual energy left by the flux capacitor and hurls it at a chain, completely destroying it.  The catwalk tips noticeably.

Failing to keep on their feet, Nyridius and Drizzle are thrown to the ground, surrounded by enemies.  Drizzle quickly teleports away, leaving Nyridius alone.  Nyridius uses his portacomp to dominate the nearest chain golem, though, and orders it to go ape-shit.  The golem helps Nyridius by smashing the creeper and pile-driving the mutated rat.

On the catwalk above, the team is taking a beating.  The demons use their four arms to tear into Hand Banana and Tao Ren, each of whom takes heavy damage.  Little Rock takes the opportunity to destroy another chain, making the catwalk even more wobbly.  Fitzgerald shoots at a demon, which gives Tao Ren the opening he needs to push it into a hole in the catwalk.  Fitzgerald’s luck runs out shortly thereafter; another demon beats him silly and tosses him off the catwalk to the ground floor below.

Nyridius begins to feel the pressure when he gets cornered by enemies from yesteryear.  He withstands their attacks, but it is clear that he won’t be able to for much longer.

When Drizzle destroys a third chain, the resulting shift throws her and Little Rock to the floor below.  This leaves only Tao Ren and Hand Banana to complete the job, but both have been beaten to a pulp and are still surrounded by enemies.  Tao Ren sprints between enemies and tosses a volatile bomb at the last chain, shattering it.

The entire catwalk falls straight down, crushing the three golems, the flux capacitor, and any other creatures that were underneath it.  Luckily, all of the adventurers had moved to the side and avoided being pulverized.  The flux capacitor is completely demolished, rendering it useless.  Windsor’s army and his plan for world domination is ruined.

Furious, Windsor orders the remaining demons to self-terminate.  He invites the party into his inner sanctum, where they can finish this.  In preparation for the final battle, Youric utilizes the power of the ice crystal, while Phil and Bofa utilize the life crystal.  All three undergo strange transformations…

Out of Time, Part 1

In yet another vision, Nyridius sees Windsor triumphantly watching over three chain golems.  The golems are cranking away at a large generator-like machine.  Windsor is confident.

The party timidly approaches the ziggurat.  They know that win or lose, their journey will end here.  They sneak in the rear entrance and find an indoor moat blocking access to the inner sanctum.  They see that it is only lightly guarded by one cultist and one ember demon.  The cultist shoos away a small dog-like cave critter.  The team tries to sneak up on them, but Dr. Drizzle loudly stubs her toe, alerting the guards.  From parts unseen, Windsor announces that he can multiply his forces by using his machine, the flux capacitor, to pull versions from the future.  The enemies are scanned, and joined by their stronger, angrier future-selves.  The cultist is only slightly displeased that he becomes a burning skeleton.

Most of the team moves to engage the enemies, except Hand Banana, who tries to make friends with the slimy cave critter.  

Fitzgerald and Drizzle open fire on the enemies, while Nyridius and Tao Ren both take intense beatings from both versions of the four-handed demon.  With three fists in his face, Nyridius shares a thought with the team:  if we focus our attacks and kill the past versions, won’t the future versions cease to exist?  To find out, Little Rock and Nyridius cooperate to take down the cultist.  Upon his death, the burning skeleton ceases to exist.

Most of the team then begins focusing on the demon, except Hand Banana, who slips, bonks his head, and begins floating downstream.

Although the demon is strong in any time frame, the team pushes through the pain to eliminate him.  Again, the future version evaporates.  In the meantime, however, the slimy cave critter wandered too close to Windsor’s scanner.  From the future, a massive, hulking cave beast arrives.  He is angry.  He immediately moves to attack the team.

Most of the team is engaged with the cave beast, except Hand Banana, who decides to climb a statue.

Little Rock and Nyridius are snatched up in the snarling beast’s giant claws.  Although they are immobilized in its grip, Tao Ren and Fitzgerald unleash their most powerful attacks on it.  Fitzgerald focuses his attacks on the beast’s *ahem* “undercarriage.”  Dr. Drizzle takes a different approach; she teleports to the opposite end of the map to track down the cave critter in its smaller, easier-to-kill form.

While the big beast takes a vicious, crippling bite out of Little Rock, Drizzle and Hand Banana corner the dog-size cave critter.  Hand Banana has an opportunity to kill it, but when he looks into its big puppy-dog eyes, he can’t bring himself to do it.  Drizzle, on the other hand, finds it surprisingly easy.  She hops down from a small ledge and punches it with her matter-disrupting fist, detonating it.  The big beast disappears, mercifully releasing Little Rock.

The team presses onward, further into Windsor’s cave.

Off the Chain, Part 2

The enormous chain golem paces outside the cave, pounding the ground in anger.  The team, gathered inside the remnants of Youric’s cave, nervously pace.  Understandably, they are not eager to face it in combat.  But the ground shakes with every thud of the golem’s fist, and silt and gravel falls from the damaged roof of the cave.  As the party plans their attack, Nyridius has a vision of Windsor.  He sees Windsor, high atop his throne at the ziggurat.  Around him, his horde of flame cultists are building an army of chain golems, just like the one that is outside Youric’s cave.  Nyridius says to the group, “We gotta get our asses out of this cave and stop Windsor!”

Fitzgerald steps out of the cave and into the view of the golem.  Fitzgerald drops his pants to his ankles and fires his boomstick wildly into the air.  The golem is not intimidated, and begins lumbering forward.  As Nyridius explores the back of the cave for exits, Hand Banana and Tao Ren drag the tied up, hollering yeti (who survived the previous battle) out of the cave.  Nyridius has become unnaturally attached to the yeti, and curses them for bringing him into the danger.  As the golem approaches, Little Rock picks up the yeti and hurls it at the golem.  The chain golem smashes his enormous fist into the yeti, reducing it to a red paste across the snow.  “NOOOO!!” cries out Nyridius.

The yeti serves its purpose, though; the distraction gives the team enough time to unleash their most powerful ranged attacks.  Dr. Drizzle teleports outside the cave and behind the golem to split its attention.  The whole team keeps their distance, and fires on the golem from afar.

Their plans are complicated when the golem shoots out chains that ensnare the party and drag them into melee range.  Its punches feel like being lashed with numerous chains.  Little Rock, Fitzgerald, and Drizzle each take heavy damage from even glancing blows. 

The team’s mutations prove to be the deciding factor in this slugfest.  Tao Ren, who mutated infrared vision, notices that there is a person inside the golem piloting it.  Drizzle uses her alien powers to open up a hole in the golem, revealing the cultist pilot.  Tao Ren quickly eliminates him with a critically powerful attack.

Left on autopilot, the golem mindlessly smashes and flails at the team.  Although it takes a long time, the team succeeds in defeating the construct.  The last blow is dealt by Nyridius, who harnesses his rage and mourning over his deceased yeti, and translates it into a glorious fist of justice.  The gigantic chain golem collapses into a heap of junk metal.  The party scavenges for useful supplies, then begins their final journey toward the ziggurat.

Off the Chain, Part 1

The team makes the long trek to Youric’s ice cave, where they've seen the blue crystal before.  They approach what should be a familiar location, but they notice severe differences in the landscape- what used to be a flat, barren tundra is now a cracked and dangerous landscape.  Several sections of ground have heaved up several feet, making for a slippery and treacherous series of cliffs.  The team finds the landscape strewn with loose chains.

As they approach Youric’s cave, they find that it too has been demolished.  The altar of the ice crystal, which use to be at the heart of the cave, is now practically on the exterior.  It appears that something huge has nearly demolished the better part of the cave.  Youric calls out to the adventurers, saying “Huzzah!  You’ve returned!  And not a moment too soon.  Come here, and help me defend this crystal!!”

Youric is in a precarious situation.  His inner sanctum is rather exposed, along with the crystal.  The landscape is also littered with snow yetis, a feral and explosively violent brand of brute.  One of the yetis happens upon a shard of the ice crystal, and it powerfully alters his body.  The ice aberration begins approaching the cave, intent upon acquiring the other part of the crystal.  The team realizes they need to reach Youric’s cave before the ice aberration does. 

Little Rock and Nyridius take the long way around, but everyone else tries to cut some time by climbing a steep embankment.  Ironically, the only one who has difficulties with this athletics check is Tao Ren, the most agile of the team.  His repeated fails leave him climbing the icy slope and falling back down for most of the encounter. 

Fitzgerald is the first to get close to the yetis.  To avoid their rage, Fitzgerald positions himself so that he’s never facing them.  He finds himself in a tricky situation when they wander nerve-wrackingly close.  Dr. Drizzle and Hand Banana skirt the yetis and move to engage the ice aberration.  They blast it with ranged attacks, but don’t seem to accomplish much. 

Little Rock sets off the powder keg of yeti rage when he loses his footing , turning to face a nearby yeti.  The yeti is spooked, and his wild and wordless hollering spooks the others.  The yetis attack the team, smashing them with heavy clubs.  Although they beat on Little Rock for a while, they are quickly dispatched; Nyridius and Fitzgerald use their abilities to fling them off of the icy cliffs that they stand on.

Tao Ren, after much difficulty, finally climbs to the top of the cliff.  He’s frustrated, and he’s looking to end the combat. He pulls out something that he’s been holding onto for a while – a powerful plasma rifle.  He fires at the aberration, and the blast tears it apart.  Although Tao Ren took a little splashback, it was worth it to one-shot the boss. 

As the party gathers by Youric to celebrate their victory, they begin to hear the heavy stomping of something huge approaching the cave.  “Oh no, I think it is coming back!” shouts Youric. “I managed to fight it off, but it is returning for the crystal!”  On the horizon, the team spots a hulking behemoth, made entirely out of chains.  It is a chain golem, no doubt constructed by Windsor’s army.  The team braces themselves for the battle ahead.

Tree of Life, Part 3

As the team glides to the ground (or, in Little Rock’s case, plummets), they see Windsor and his army below.  Windsor tells a cultist spellcaster to burn down the Big Ass Tree, and then meet back up with him at “the ziggurat.”  The cultist approaches the base of the tree and summons an army of fire-based demons to assist him in the destruction of the bear’s homeland.  Magmites jump from teepee to teepee, setting them on fire, while the ember snakes and ember demons kill the inhabitants. 

Luckily, the heroes are able to direct their landing.  Little Rock plows directly into an ember demon, severely injuring them both.  The other team members glide in, lands like ninjas, and begin a tactical assault on the enemies.  As more teepees catch on fire, other members of the bear clan run out, screaming and begging for anyone to help them put out the fires.  Phil and Bofa recognize these bears as distant cousins of the Deez Nuts family:  Felty, Rubdy, and FillYoEmptyMouthWif.

Dr. Drizzle uses her new teleportation ability to zip over to some nearby buckets of water, with the intention of putting out the fires.  However, the dynamic quickly changes:  by teleporting away, she leaves Little Rock surrounded by three enemies.  He is constricted by an ember snake, and a four-armed demon lands a critical quad-punch.  Little Rock succumbs to his injuries and slumps to the ground, lifeless. 

Fitzgerald pacifies the cultist by disarming him and kicking him into a flaming teepee.  Hand Banana fishes the cultist off by kicking him back in the fire as he tries to climb out.  Tao Ren attempts to help, but can’t seem to land a single attack.  Drizzle assesses her situation, and throws the bucket of water at the fire demons after deciding that they pose a greater threat than the teepee fires.

Nyridius engages one of the ember demons, but is quickly overpowered.  His new ability saves him, though; when Nyridius takes a knee for a second wind, he appears to be a tree to all enemies, and immediately loses all aggro.  He calls it his “Tree-Tebow,” or “Treebow.”  The rest of the team takes a savage beating from the snakes and demons, and in the heat of battle, they completely neglect to assist the town with their burning teepees.  Drizzle, Tao Ren, and Nyridius retreat to the safety of the river, which the fire-based enemies seem loathe to enter.  Fitzgerald and Hand Banana rush to Little Rock to stabilize him, and prevent him from bleeding out.  Well, “gravelling out,” since he is made of rocks.  The team fires on the enemies with their ranged attacks, but deal surprisingly little damage.

After a prolonged and bloody battle, both sides are weary.  The flame cult is pleased with their success; they’ve burned down the thug bear colony, and beat down all combatants.  When the party expresses exhaustion, the demons victoriously saunter off toward the ziggurat.  The bears express frustration that the adventurers didn’t do more to save their homes, and call them the worst rescue party ever.  Nyridius responds, “WE AREN’T A RESCUE PARTY.  WE NEVER CLAIMED TO BE A RESCUE PARTY.”

The lush, peaceful area surrounding the Big Ass Tree is now charred and smoking ruins.  The team picks Little Rock up out of the mud, quickly scavenges for supplies, and leave the bear colony behind.