As Nyridius slept, the party was able to scavenge three complete uniforms off of the Knights of Genetic Purity. That left them in a tricky spot, seeing as there were five of them. But Cuddlepunch wouldn't fit in one anyway, and Nyridius would probably just burn through his. So Duke laid out the following strategy: Duke, Defendomax, and Vagabot would pretend to be KGP, and Nyridius and Cuddlepunch would be their "hostages." As they left, Og urged Cuddlepunch to save the yeti chieftain, who was being held hostage.
The party entered the Valley of Sorrow, only to find a tragic scene. Yeti corpses littered the village, and most of their simple straw huts had been burned down. Many had apparently fled. Only the chieftain's hut was intact, and it was guarded by a 9-foot, muscle-bound, hard-headed, no-toothed, in-bred, hillbilly simpleton. Duke confidently asked for permission to enter, but the brute balked at Duke's fancy-talk. Only after Duke bathed his words in a warm, ignorant drawl did he gain the hillbilly's favor. The hillbilly asked their names. It took a couple of tries, but once the party fabricated names that indicated a sufficient level of down-home genetic purity, they were allowed entrance.
Inside, the party found that the Knights of Genetic Purity had turned the chieftain's ceremonial hut into an execution staging area. Statues of yeti elders had been smashed, and gaping craters of radioactive acids covered the ground. Three yetis, including the chieftain, were shackled to the wall. Duke pretends to shackle Nyridius and Cuddlepunch in beside them.
When the humans begin executing they yetis with an elaborate electricity-producing machine, the party springs into action. They immediately focus their attacks on the leader, and disable the machine in the process. However, in a comedic back-and-forth, the adventurers and the Knights fight each other as they turn the machine on and off, on and off. This process is continued by several critical failures, which cause Defendomax and a Knight to bump into the machine's levers.
Defendomax, filled with robot adrenaline, beats the snot out of two of the scouts, while Nyridius defeats the leader with his cannonball attack. The second-in-command traps Vagabot in a bubble, but is taken aback and gasps loudly when he looks upon her face. Vagabot frees herself and tries to immobilize the lieutenant in order to question him, but Duke inadvertently delivers a fatal blow to him with his radiation eyes. In an attempt to stabilize him, Cuddlepunch uses a radiation barrier and Duke shoots him with a healing syringe. The battle comes to a quick end as Vagabot holds a scout in a pool of acid and Nyridius, Cuddlepunch, and Duke gang up on a second.
Cuddlepunch frees the yeti chieftain, who expresses great thanks to Cuddlepunch. The chieftain explains that the Knights of Genetic purity accused the yetis of "stealing Ivan's daughter," and although they yetis didn't understand the charges, the Knights began "purifying" the area.
Vagabot grills the lieutenant, who is in his final moments, for information about her past. The lieutenant explains that the "Imperial Wizard" of the Knights of Genetic Purity is a man named Ivan, and that Vagabot is his daughter. When she was born with a crab-claw, Ivan was ashamed of her "impurity." Vagabot had always yearned to make her father proud, and when he sent her to the Archive to steal some tech, she used the phase shifter to become a nano-bot and reshape her appearance. However, the transformation left her amnesiac, which is when she met Professor Cuddlepunch. But apparently, word got back to Ivan that his daughter was seen with a yeti, so Ivan ordered his Knights to attack the Valley of Sorrow.
As the party prepares to leave, the yeti chieftain wishes them safe travels. He tells Cuddlepunch that she is destined for great things, and is a much nicer yeti than Khali... who was kicked out of the Valley for being a serial rapist.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Furry Friends, Part 1
Professor Cuddlepunch is uneasy. The party's encounter with the feral yetis back at the tower unsettled her, and she fears for her people. Even though she was thrown out of the tribe by the yeti chieftan, the Valley of Sorrow still holds a warm place in her heart. Yetis are a loving and peaceful people, and Cuddlepunch is reminded of the good times she had as a young yeti with her brother, Og. Stirred to action, she urges the party toward the Valley of Sorrow.
The adventurers enter the mountain pass leading to the valley. They begin to see new and strange vegetation; large evergreen trees that strike back in defense at the slightest hint of pain. Cuddlepunch remembers playing with these trees as a youngster, and asks her companions to stick to the path. They find an abandoned encampment, with a still-smoking fire pit and loose supplies littering the area. While scavenging and surveying the area, gunshots ring out from the trail ahead of them. Professor Cuddlepunch's brother, Og, runs toward the travelers, clearly in an attempt to escape his unseen pursuers. Although he has been gravely wounded, Og chokes out "Cuddlepunch.... hide!" Each member of the team finds a different hiding spot. Nyridius curls up in the fetal position and pretends to be a campfire. Og, out of breath and bleeding heavily, stands his ground.
Og's pursuers finally catch up. They appear to be a regimented group of plain-talkin' racists. Nyridius recognizes their symbols as those of the Knights of Genetic Purity, a supremacy group that does not tolerate anything less than 100% purebred humans. As the Purists approach Og, the party springs into action. They take the Purists by surprise, and Nyridius provides a particularly useful intimidation as he takes flight high above the battlefield.
Cuddlepunch throws a keg of gunpowder into the center of the Purists, and Nyridius ignites it, charring most of them and giving the adventurers and early upper hand. Duke and Cuddlepunch take the lead and absorb most of the damage for the team, while Vagabot and Defendomax scrap the soliders from a distance. They use the last of Vargas' future-tech, including a razor-grenade and a freeze ray. Nyridius finishes off the last Purist with a cracked ray gun. Unfortunately, the leaky core puts Nyridius to sleep, and he is unable to celebrate victory with his teammates.
While Nyridius enjoys a forced nap, Og tries to relay the situation to Cuddlepunch. "Bad men... take chieftan." Cuddlepunch calms Og and asks him to speak clearly. "Bad men came with guns. They say we steal a daughter. They capture all, hurt all. Go, save chieftan!" The party begins to scavenge the scene as Nyridius snores peacefully.
The adventurers enter the mountain pass leading to the valley. They begin to see new and strange vegetation; large evergreen trees that strike back in defense at the slightest hint of pain. Cuddlepunch remembers playing with these trees as a youngster, and asks her companions to stick to the path. They find an abandoned encampment, with a still-smoking fire pit and loose supplies littering the area. While scavenging and surveying the area, gunshots ring out from the trail ahead of them. Professor Cuddlepunch's brother, Og, runs toward the travelers, clearly in an attempt to escape his unseen pursuers. Although he has been gravely wounded, Og chokes out "Cuddlepunch.... hide!" Each member of the team finds a different hiding spot. Nyridius curls up in the fetal position and pretends to be a campfire. Og, out of breath and bleeding heavily, stands his ground.
Og's pursuers finally catch up. They appear to be a regimented group of plain-talkin' racists. Nyridius recognizes their symbols as those of the Knights of Genetic Purity, a supremacy group that does not tolerate anything less than 100% purebred humans. As the Purists approach Og, the party springs into action. They take the Purists by surprise, and Nyridius provides a particularly useful intimidation as he takes flight high above the battlefield.
Cuddlepunch throws a keg of gunpowder into the center of the Purists, and Nyridius ignites it, charring most of them and giving the adventurers and early upper hand. Duke and Cuddlepunch take the lead and absorb most of the damage for the team, while Vagabot and Defendomax scrap the soliders from a distance. They use the last of Vargas' future-tech, including a razor-grenade and a freeze ray. Nyridius finishes off the last Purist with a cracked ray gun. Unfortunately, the leaky core puts Nyridius to sleep, and he is unable to celebrate victory with his teammates.
While Nyridius enjoys a forced nap, Og tries to relay the situation to Cuddlepunch. "Bad men... take chieftan." Cuddlepunch calms Og and asks him to speak clearly. "Bad men came with guns. They say we steal a daughter. They capture all, hurt all. Go, save chieftan!" The party begins to scavenge the scene as Nyridius snores peacefully.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
A Better Future, Part 2
Nervously, the team approaches Dusttown. "Dusttown" is no longer an appropriate title for it, since the heavy rains have quickly turned the locale into a swampy bog. Where once the travelers had to trudge over sand dunes, they now have to slog through ankle-deep rainwater and heavy vegetative growth. When they reach the town, it appears empty. They gingerly creep through town, wary of any possible ambush. They make their way toward one of Ricardo's nondescript storage sheds. Vargas produces a case of equipment that he brought back from the future to aid the party, and distributes the goods. Each member of the party prepares themselves for imminent battle.
Duke attempts to quietly open the door to the shed, but fails spectacularly, causing a loud ruckus. However, nothing stirs. The shed is dark and motionless. The party proceeds in. A dim light grows in the center of the warehouse. As it becomes brighter, it becomes apparent that this light is a generator humming to life. The generator, unfortunately, is powering anti-gravity panels underneath the party's feet. They begin to float helplessly a foot off the floor, and they are unable to propel themselves out of the anti-gravity field. The party is helpless and immobile.
Before them, the growing light reveals Ricardo, several lieutenants (including Grinner), and a small army of thugs.
"Like moths to the flame, you couldn't help but walk right into your own destruction!" announces Ricardo-as-Reaper. "HEY BUG!!" shouts Grinner, as he widens a toothy smile toward Duke. The team struggles against their restraints, but to no avail. "You have come at a truly beautiful time. I am about to cast off this useless body and take a new, more appropriate one. This (he gestures toward a massive, hulking body in the corner) will make me the physical embodiment of Reaper. My first act will be to destroy you, the last loose ends. Although you haven't been the first group of travelers that I have manipulated into doing my bidding, you've certainly been the most useful." The army of goons approaches the helpless adventurers menacingly.
In the distance, heavy footsteps approach the warehouse. They reach the outer wall, and a familiar voice yells, "HEY YA'LL! LOOK AT ALL THAT BUTTER!" Paula Deen Bot crashes through the wall, shooting egg beaters in all directions. Windsor is seen operating the Paula Deen Bot like a giant mech. The army of thugs opens fire on Paula Deen. Through the hail of gunfire, Paula Deen Bot manages to fire an egg beater at the generator, destroying it, and freeing the team from the anti-gravity field. The battle is on!
Grinner and several techno-lieutenants rush into the battle while Spook, a dark and cloaked figure, begins transferring Ricardo's mind into the new Reaper body. The party unleashes their most powerful attacks on the army of thugs, thinning them out rather quickly. Vargas' future tech and their own frightening mutations allow them to dish out massive attacks with generous splash damage, which obliterate large swaths of enemies. Grinner once again unleashes a foul and nauseating belch, which poisons Vagabot, Defendomax, and Nyridius. Vargas, in a bid to protect his past self, throws up a force field that protects and isolates Duke.
Grinner is slightly different than the party last remembers; Nyridius killed him with platypus poison in their last encounter, but he now sports yellow-tinted flesh and an immunity to poison. Nyridius again focuses on Grinner, and eventually kills him with a combination of an electric staff and his flame aura. For the third time, Grinner is killed.
Meanwhile, Paula Deen Bot engages the new and improved Reaper. Reaper's sweeping attacks hit everyone in an arc, but Paula Deen is able to beat Reaper back with her massive cast-iron skillet. Spook also unleashes a psychic storm on the party, but some tech that Vagabot found a while back causes him to take feedback damage. As the team grinds down the enemies, Spook sees that the tide has turned, and escapes out the back door. The party gangs up on the formidable Reaper, and although they sustain significant damage, Nyridius gets the killing blow by shooting flames at Reaper and flexing his muscles for a little extra fire damage.
The timely assistance of Windsor and Vargas had made all the difference in the world; not a single adventurer was killed in the climactic battle. Vargas breaths deeply. The circumstances that created him no longer exist, and he realizes that he will no longer exist once his suit's charge is depleted. He shares some parting words of wisdom with the party. Then, as his suit's battery runs dry, Vargas snaps out of existence. The timeline has changed, and he has never existed.
Triumphant, the party assesses their situation. Although the Reaper betrayal was the only thing that united them at the beginning, they decided to continue their journey together. Vargas' information has given them three options for their next move:
The adventurers ponder their next move.
Duke attempts to quietly open the door to the shed, but fails spectacularly, causing a loud ruckus. However, nothing stirs. The shed is dark and motionless. The party proceeds in. A dim light grows in the center of the warehouse. As it becomes brighter, it becomes apparent that this light is a generator humming to life. The generator, unfortunately, is powering anti-gravity panels underneath the party's feet. They begin to float helplessly a foot off the floor, and they are unable to propel themselves out of the anti-gravity field. The party is helpless and immobile.
"Like moths to the flame, you couldn't help but walk right into your own destruction!" announces Ricardo-as-Reaper. "HEY BUG!!" shouts Grinner, as he widens a toothy smile toward Duke. The team struggles against their restraints, but to no avail. "You have come at a truly beautiful time. I am about to cast off this useless body and take a new, more appropriate one. This (he gestures toward a massive, hulking body in the corner) will make me the physical embodiment of Reaper. My first act will be to destroy you, the last loose ends. Although you haven't been the first group of travelers that I have manipulated into doing my bidding, you've certainly been the most useful." The army of goons approaches the helpless adventurers menacingly.
In the distance, heavy footsteps approach the warehouse. They reach the outer wall, and a familiar voice yells, "HEY YA'LL! LOOK AT ALL THAT BUTTER!" Paula Deen Bot crashes through the wall, shooting egg beaters in all directions. Windsor is seen operating the Paula Deen Bot like a giant mech. The army of thugs opens fire on Paula Deen. Through the hail of gunfire, Paula Deen Bot manages to fire an egg beater at the generator, destroying it, and freeing the team from the anti-gravity field. The battle is on!
Grinner and several techno-lieutenants rush into the battle while Spook, a dark and cloaked figure, begins transferring Ricardo's mind into the new Reaper body. The party unleashes their most powerful attacks on the army of thugs, thinning them out rather quickly. Vargas' future tech and their own frightening mutations allow them to dish out massive attacks with generous splash damage, which obliterate large swaths of enemies. Grinner once again unleashes a foul and nauseating belch, which poisons Vagabot, Defendomax, and Nyridius. Vargas, in a bid to protect his past self, throws up a force field that protects and isolates Duke.
Grinner is slightly different than the party last remembers; Nyridius killed him with platypus poison in their last encounter, but he now sports yellow-tinted flesh and an immunity to poison. Nyridius again focuses on Grinner, and eventually kills him with a combination of an electric staff and his flame aura. For the third time, Grinner is killed.
Meanwhile, Paula Deen Bot engages the new and improved Reaper. Reaper's sweeping attacks hit everyone in an arc, but Paula Deen is able to beat Reaper back with her massive cast-iron skillet. Spook also unleashes a psychic storm on the party, but some tech that Vagabot found a while back causes him to take feedback damage. As the team grinds down the enemies, Spook sees that the tide has turned, and escapes out the back door. The party gangs up on the formidable Reaper, and although they sustain significant damage, Nyridius gets the killing blow by shooting flames at Reaper and flexing his muscles for a little extra fire damage.
The timely assistance of Windsor and Vargas had made all the difference in the world; not a single adventurer was killed in the climactic battle. Vargas breaths deeply. The circumstances that created him no longer exist, and he realizes that he will no longer exist once his suit's charge is depleted. He shares some parting words of wisdom with the party. Then, as his suit's battery runs dry, Vargas snaps out of existence. The timeline has changed, and he has never existed.
Triumphant, the party assesses their situation. Although the Reaper betrayal was the only thing that united them at the beginning, they decided to continue their journey together. Vargas' information has given them three options for their next move:
- The Valley of Sorrow, where Professor Cuddlepunch's yeti people are in trouble
- An unnamed compound to the east, which may hold clues to Vagabot's past
- Deadtroit, a land of danger and zombies
The adventurers ponder their next move.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
A Better Future, Part 1
As the team exits the tower, they notice that a light, pleasant rain begins to fall, confirming that their actions were successful. As they exit the tower, Vargas again appears before them. Before he can say anything meaningful, the party and the elderly couple at the base of the tower are attacked by three mindless, charging yetis. Although Professor Cuddlepunch recognizes them as members of her old tribe, they seem blinded by rage and completely feral. The party engages them in the grass field next to the tower, which has become dotted with puddles thanks to the light rainfall.
Nyridius barrels forward and attacks one of the yetis, but they yeti panics when it receives fire damage and lashes out brutally at Nyridius. The yeti's heavy club knocks Nyridius unconscious. The elderly couple in the back attempts to help the group by firing simple electricity pistols at the yetis. Unfortunately, any adventurer standing in the same puddle as a yeti gets shocked as well by the elderly couple's gunfire.
Vagabot comes to Nyridius' aid, and the party fights hard enough to knock some sense into the yetis. The yetis shake off their blind terror, and Cuddlepunch asks them what has caused such behavior. The yetis grunt out to her, "Big trouble in the Valley. Bad man. Come help. Big trouble." They wander off, leaving Cuddlepunch and the rest of the party concerned.
Vargas reappears before the party in a flash of light. Duke begins to challenge Vargas, but Vargas shushes him quickly. Vargas, with a heavy heart, begins his speech. "I must admit, it has been good to see all of you again. You've done much better than I did when I was at your level. But you need to know that you're being played. Everything that you've done hasn't been your idea, because you're being manipulated. RICARDO IS REAPER. The tasks that he's had you do have all been to solidify his position. This rain that you've started? It won't ever stop, and it's going to turn Dusttown and the sand dunes into a swampy bog. You just did exactly what Reaper wanted you to."
"You could have told us that, like, any other time we saw you!" shouts Nyridius.
"Yes, and maybe I should have. But when Reaper tricked ME into activating the antenna and flooding Dusttown, I remember how angry it made me. It took away my naivete. That sense of betrayal and that rage has fueled me, and I didn't want to rob you of it."
Confused, Defendomax interjects, "Wait, you activated the antenna before?"
"Yes." Vargas opens his helmet to reveal a familiar face... that of Duke, but older, more haggard, more worn-down. "Like I said, you've done much better than I did at your level. When I and my friends were ambushed by Grinner and his thugs outside Vagabot's shack... not all of us made it. Grinner killed Vagabot that day. She died without ever knowing who she really was. Then, we went to the Valley of Sorrow to help the yetis, but by the time we got back to Dusttown, Reaper was ready and waiting for us. We were way out-gunned. That's where Professor Cuddlepunch was killed. There wasn't much keeping the three of us together, so we split up. Nyridius and Defendomax went back to the Valley of Sorrow to bury Cuddlepunch. I went out East, where I wandered and tried to solve problems... but I couldn't accomplish anything by myself. I just made most things worse. It wasn't until I found the Vargas Armor several years later that I remembered where it all went wrong, and got up the nerve to come back and change it."
Vargas sighs heavily, and says, "You may have pictured yourself fighting Reaper much later, but we need to do this right now. If you wait any longer, he'll be ready for you, and things will end up just like they did before. There are many possible futures, and we never know to which our actions will lead. I want to give you the chance for a better one. So don't fuck this up."
"Come with us and help us." Defendomax implores. "I will," says Vargas, "but I only have a charge of a few more hours in this armor. This armor stretches me outside of time, like a rubber band. Once it snaps back, I will snap back to my future timeline, which, if we do this right, will no longer exist. Meaning that, when my charge runs out, I will no longer exist."
The party agrees to confront Reaper. Along with Duke from the future, the adventurers travel off, and begin their return to Dusttown.
Nyridius barrels forward and attacks one of the yetis, but they yeti panics when it receives fire damage and lashes out brutally at Nyridius. The yeti's heavy club knocks Nyridius unconscious. The elderly couple in the back attempts to help the group by firing simple electricity pistols at the yetis. Unfortunately, any adventurer standing in the same puddle as a yeti gets shocked as well by the elderly couple's gunfire.
Vagabot comes to Nyridius' aid, and the party fights hard enough to knock some sense into the yetis. The yetis shake off their blind terror, and Cuddlepunch asks them what has caused such behavior. The yetis grunt out to her, "Big trouble in the Valley. Bad man. Come help. Big trouble." They wander off, leaving Cuddlepunch and the rest of the party concerned.
Vargas reappears before the party in a flash of light. Duke begins to challenge Vargas, but Vargas shushes him quickly. Vargas, with a heavy heart, begins his speech. "I must admit, it has been good to see all of you again. You've done much better than I did when I was at your level. But you need to know that you're being played. Everything that you've done hasn't been your idea, because you're being manipulated. RICARDO IS REAPER. The tasks that he's had you do have all been to solidify his position. This rain that you've started? It won't ever stop, and it's going to turn Dusttown and the sand dunes into a swampy bog. You just did exactly what Reaper wanted you to."
"You could have told us that, like, any other time we saw you!" shouts Nyridius.
"Yes, and maybe I should have. But when Reaper tricked ME into activating the antenna and flooding Dusttown, I remember how angry it made me. It took away my naivete. That sense of betrayal and that rage has fueled me, and I didn't want to rob you of it."
Confused, Defendomax interjects, "Wait, you activated the antenna before?"
"Yes." Vargas opens his helmet to reveal a familiar face... that of Duke, but older, more haggard, more worn-down. "Like I said, you've done much better than I did at your level. When I and my friends were ambushed by Grinner and his thugs outside Vagabot's shack... not all of us made it. Grinner killed Vagabot that day. She died without ever knowing who she really was. Then, we went to the Valley of Sorrow to help the yetis, but by the time we got back to Dusttown, Reaper was ready and waiting for us. We were way out-gunned. That's where Professor Cuddlepunch was killed. There wasn't much keeping the three of us together, so we split up. Nyridius and Defendomax went back to the Valley of Sorrow to bury Cuddlepunch. I went out East, where I wandered and tried to solve problems... but I couldn't accomplish anything by myself. I just made most things worse. It wasn't until I found the Vargas Armor several years later that I remembered where it all went wrong, and got up the nerve to come back and change it."
Vargas sighs heavily, and says, "You may have pictured yourself fighting Reaper much later, but we need to do this right now. If you wait any longer, he'll be ready for you, and things will end up just like they did before. There are many possible futures, and we never know to which our actions will lead. I want to give you the chance for a better one. So don't fuck this up."
"Come with us and help us." Defendomax implores. "I will," says Vargas, "but I only have a charge of a few more hours in this armor. This armor stretches me outside of time, like a rubber band. Once it snaps back, I will snap back to my future timeline, which, if we do this right, will no longer exist. Meaning that, when my charge runs out, I will no longer exist."
The party agrees to confront Reaper. Along with Duke from the future, the adventurers travel off, and begin their return to Dusttown.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)