Off the Chain, Part 1

The team makes the long trek to Youric’s ice cave, where they've seen the blue crystal before.  They approach what should be a familiar location, but they notice severe differences in the landscape- what used to be a flat, barren tundra is now a cracked and dangerous landscape.  Several sections of ground have heaved up several feet, making for a slippery and treacherous series of cliffs.  The team finds the landscape strewn with loose chains.

As they approach Youric’s cave, they find that it too has been demolished.  The altar of the ice crystal, which use to be at the heart of the cave, is now practically on the exterior.  It appears that something huge has nearly demolished the better part of the cave.  Youric calls out to the adventurers, saying “Huzzah!  You’ve returned!  And not a moment too soon.  Come here, and help me defend this crystal!!”

Youric is in a precarious situation.  His inner sanctum is rather exposed, along with the crystal.  The landscape is also littered with snow yetis, a feral and explosively violent brand of brute.  One of the yetis happens upon a shard of the ice crystal, and it powerfully alters his body.  The ice aberration begins approaching the cave, intent upon acquiring the other part of the crystal.  The team realizes they need to reach Youric’s cave before the ice aberration does. 

Little Rock and Nyridius take the long way around, but everyone else tries to cut some time by climbing a steep embankment.  Ironically, the only one who has difficulties with this athletics check is Tao Ren, the most agile of the team.  His repeated fails leave him climbing the icy slope and falling back down for most of the encounter. 

Fitzgerald is the first to get close to the yetis.  To avoid their rage, Fitzgerald positions himself so that he’s never facing them.  He finds himself in a tricky situation when they wander nerve-wrackingly close.  Dr. Drizzle and Hand Banana skirt the yetis and move to engage the ice aberration.  They blast it with ranged attacks, but don’t seem to accomplish much. 

Little Rock sets off the powder keg of yeti rage when he loses his footing , turning to face a nearby yeti.  The yeti is spooked, and his wild and wordless hollering spooks the others.  The yetis attack the team, smashing them with heavy clubs.  Although they beat on Little Rock for a while, they are quickly dispatched; Nyridius and Fitzgerald use their abilities to fling them off of the icy cliffs that they stand on.

Tao Ren, after much difficulty, finally climbs to the top of the cliff.  He’s frustrated, and he’s looking to end the combat. He pulls out something that he’s been holding onto for a while – a powerful plasma rifle.  He fires at the aberration, and the blast tears it apart.  Although Tao Ren took a little splashback, it was worth it to one-shot the boss. 

As the party gathers by Youric to celebrate their victory, they begin to hear the heavy stomping of something huge approaching the cave.  “Oh no, I think it is coming back!” shouts Youric. “I managed to fight it off, but it is returning for the crystal!”  On the horizon, the team spots a hulking behemoth, made entirely out of chains.  It is a chain golem, no doubt constructed by Windsor’s army.  The team braces themselves for the battle ahead.

Tree of Life, Part 3

As the team glides to the ground (or, in Little Rock’s case, plummets), they see Windsor and his army below.  Windsor tells a cultist spellcaster to burn down the Big Ass Tree, and then meet back up with him at “the ziggurat.”  The cultist approaches the base of the tree and summons an army of fire-based demons to assist him in the destruction of the bear’s homeland.  Magmites jump from teepee to teepee, setting them on fire, while the ember snakes and ember demons kill the inhabitants. 

Luckily, the heroes are able to direct their landing.  Little Rock plows directly into an ember demon, severely injuring them both.  The other team members glide in, lands like ninjas, and begin a tactical assault on the enemies.  As more teepees catch on fire, other members of the bear clan run out, screaming and begging for anyone to help them put out the fires.  Phil and Bofa recognize these bears as distant cousins of the Deez Nuts family:  Felty, Rubdy, and FillYoEmptyMouthWif.

Dr. Drizzle uses her new teleportation ability to zip over to some nearby buckets of water, with the intention of putting out the fires.  However, the dynamic quickly changes:  by teleporting away, she leaves Little Rock surrounded by three enemies.  He is constricted by an ember snake, and a four-armed demon lands a critical quad-punch.  Little Rock succumbs to his injuries and slumps to the ground, lifeless. 

Fitzgerald pacifies the cultist by disarming him and kicking him into a flaming teepee.  Hand Banana fishes the cultist off by kicking him back in the fire as he tries to climb out.  Tao Ren attempts to help, but can’t seem to land a single attack.  Drizzle assesses her situation, and throws the bucket of water at the fire demons after deciding that they pose a greater threat than the teepee fires.

Nyridius engages one of the ember demons, but is quickly overpowered.  His new ability saves him, though; when Nyridius takes a knee for a second wind, he appears to be a tree to all enemies, and immediately loses all aggro.  He calls it his “Tree-Tebow,” or “Treebow.”  The rest of the team takes a savage beating from the snakes and demons, and in the heat of battle, they completely neglect to assist the town with their burning teepees.  Drizzle, Tao Ren, and Nyridius retreat to the safety of the river, which the fire-based enemies seem loathe to enter.  Fitzgerald and Hand Banana rush to Little Rock to stabilize him, and prevent him from bleeding out.  Well, “gravelling out,” since he is made of rocks.  The team fires on the enemies with their ranged attacks, but deal surprisingly little damage.

After a prolonged and bloody battle, both sides are weary.  The flame cult is pleased with their success; they’ve burned down the thug bear colony, and beat down all combatants.  When the party expresses exhaustion, the demons victoriously saunter off toward the ziggurat.  The bears express frustration that the adventurers didn’t do more to save their homes, and call them the worst rescue party ever.  Nyridius responds, “WE AREN’T A RESCUE PARTY.  WE NEVER CLAIMED TO BE A RESCUE PARTY.”

The lush, peaceful area surrounding the Big Ass Tree is now charred and smoking ruins.  The team picks Little Rock up out of the mud, quickly scavenges for supplies, and leave the bear colony behind.

Tree of Life, Part 2

As the party climbs a giant circular staircase inside the Big Ass Tree, the tree speaks to them, saying “The crystal in the next chamber holds great power, but beware; using it transforms and ultimately kills you.  If you want to use it to defeat Windsor, you should be prepared for it to end your life.”  The party nervously looks at each other, wondering who should use the crystal when the time comes.  “… Hand Banana?” asks Drizzle.  “Definitely Hand Banana.” Replies Tao Ren.  

The thug bear that accompanied the party speaks with Fitzgerald.  He reveals that his name is Phil, and that his brother Bofa is in the next room, guarding the crystal.  He shared that it was hard growing up with those names, since their last name is “Deez Nuts.”  Meanwhile, at the base of the tree, Nyridius regains consciousness and rushes through the pit to rejoin his friends.

The party reaches the main chamber, and they find Bofa guarding the crystal.  He is joined by his loyal guards, Furious George and Sweet Green (closely related to Sweet Brown).  “Oh Lord Jesus, it’s an intruder!” shouts Green.  Combat erupts shortly thereafter.

Little Rock and Fitzgerald lead the charge, rushing head-first into the enemies.  They draw first blood by smashing Hypno-Toad, but get bruised themselves when Sweet Green hits them with cold pops.  Their pursuit of the crystal is hampered further when the floor erupts with thick, ropy vines that block any progress.  Luckily, Drizzle finds a hatchet with Fantasia-like legs.  She reprograms it to run along on its own, chopping away at the overgrowth. 

Tao Ren and Drizzle act as the scrappers, picking off the enemies from a distance.  In the back of the room, Nyridius finally joins the fight, but he is pursued by one of the shrieking flying heads from the pit.  The head gently kisses Nyridius, which causes his head to separate from his body and his ears to turn into wings; he becomes one of them.  “WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS WOULD HAPPEN?!” he shouts.

Meanwhile, Hand Banana uses an amnesia field to make the enemies forget he exists.  He uses this to sneak around the room, skirting all enemies and getting within arm’s reach of the crystal.  He wraps it in a tent for safekeeping.  He gingerly moves the crystal out the window onto a branch, but as soon as he does, the tree begins collapsing around the whole team.  

Chaos erupts.  Expletives are shouted at Hand Banana.  Frightened enemies dive for cover, while others push past the party to seek their own escape.  The party drops the fight and runs toward the window, seeking to get out of the tree.  From the back, Phil the thug bear shouts “We gotta save Bofa!” “Bofa what?” asks Nyridius.  “BOFA DEEZ NUTS!!” the bear shouts.

The party finds themselves on a large tree branch, fifteen stories high, and the tree they are on is collapsing.  They quickly decide to utilize the enormous leaves of the tree as parachutes, and most glide serenely and safely through the air.  Little Rock, however, fails; he loses his grip on his leaf and plummets face-first toward the ground.