Tree of Life, Part 1

Nyridius continues to complain about relentless cluster headaches, right up until he shrieks in terror and falls unconscious.  Undeterred, the party drags his dead weight right up to the Big Ass Tree.  Surrounding them, they see a peaceful and serene village of animal life; bunnies hop pleasantly through the grove while urban bears lounge in hammocks.  At the center of it all is the Big Ass Tree, which has a giant face and speaks in a kind, soothing voice.  “Hello travelers.  I believe you’ve come here for assistance in defeating Windsor.  To do so, you’ll have to crawl up my butthole.”  Hand Banana faints.

The Big Ass Tree explains that there is a giant green crystal inside of him, and that the party is welcome to take it if might help them.  The tree warns, though, that his innards contain animal life that has been driven crazy by being in proximity to the crystal.  It advises them to take one of his bear minions, Thug Money, with them; his brain has already been rendered soft by marijuana abuse and overexposure to bass-heavy music.  Thug Money offers to carry one of their unconscious friends into the tree with them.  The party choses Hand Banana, leaving Nyridius in the peaceful grove.  The Big Ass Tree spreads his tree root butt cheeks, and the party hops in.

After sliding down an earthen slope, the team finds themselves in a dark, dank, musty pit.  The air is foul and filled with mold spores.  Little Rock equips an enviro-mask and avoids the ill effects.  However, he bogarts the mask, and Tao Ren, Fitzgerald, and Drizzle all begin to take necrotic damage each turn.

The party is quickly approached by a flying disembodied head, which is shrieking wildly.  Tao Ren shoots it down easily, but the other native fauna quickly mount an attack.  The team is accosted by spiders, flying heads, and turtle-cockroach hybrids. 

While Fitzgerald, Little Rock, and Drizzle engage the first wave of enemies, a bodyless head flies up to Tao Ren, giving him a light kiss.  His ears begin to flap like wings, and his head separates from his body.  Although he tries to reattach it himself, he can’t manage to line it up correctly.  All the while, most of the party is being quickly poisoned by the air they breathe.

Drizzle provides cover from a nearby spider, allowing Fitzgerald runs over to Tao Ren and reassembles him.  Little Rock, unaffected by the poison, stands his ground and fights the critters.  In doing so, he receives a savage beating from the turtle-cockroaches’ heavy mallets. 

Deciding that discretion is the better part of valor, the party makes a hasty move toward the exit.  Enemies give chase, but Little Rock fends them off with his last bit of strength.  The party climbs up a circular staircase inside of the Big Ass Tree, moving high up into its body.